


i loved you first

by cahaya



Series: Zap! (Zouis Drabbles) [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Letters, M/M, Unrequited Love, why do i keep doing this to myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 02:09:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1451518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cahaya/pseuds/cahaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sometimes, texts or emails arent enough to declare your undying love for your best mate who's getting married to your friend in four days</p><p>but letters might</p>
            </blockquote>





	i loved you first

**Author's Note:**

> unedited bc im lazy
> 
>  
> 
> i just realized that i have a soft spot for angsty zouis fics

_Dear Louis_

_Hi_

_How are you? You’re happy, right? I mean, I’m sure you are. I’m happy too, for you._

_For you, I’m happy._

_I don’t really know why I’m writing a letter to you, where I could’ve just use a text or an email, funny enough when I tried to do all that, it seemed like the words wouldn’t just come out from my head._

_Dad said that maybe sending letters will work, he also said that it will help me to learn to write words correctly. Can’t you believe that? Dad’s talking to me now, like, he actually wants to talk to me ._

_I’ve listened to what you told me to long time ago, by the way. I’m starting to open up to Dad now, and I guess he’s warming up towards me either. I can’t believe that I’m about to say that you’re always right, but, you’re always right._

_I miss you, I really miss you. God, I sound like a bloody sap, I’m embarrassing, aren’t I? But like, yeah, it feels so great to write that down. I’m so sorry that I haven’t been there for you since… you know. I just need a time to calm myself down._

_I can picture you reading this as you murmuring how stupid and selfish I am, but I hope that you won’t stop reading this. I know I’m not an emotional person, but we’re so alike, Lou. I hope you’d give me a chance just like what you did to yourself._

_I know where you’re gonna go to your honeymoon. He asked me for an advice, by the way. I know that you have soft spot for beaches, I know that you’re obsessed with the sun and love to bathe with it until your skin turns golden and glistens with sweat, and I’m probably becoming a creep right now, but hey, everyone’s changing, eh?_

_Anyway, you can thank me now, the ring looks good on your finger, doesn’t it? I knew where you buried your grandma’s necklace, I was there you know, technologically. I remember you called me at midnight as you clenched her necklace in your fist, crying and sobbing about how much you loathe life._

_I hate life too, right now._

_You said that you didn’t want to keep it, that it was a stupid gift and it was girly and you didn’t want to have a constant reminder of your grandmother’s death. But I knew that you secretly love it, the sapphire’s so beautiful, isn’t it? I’m sure that it looks incredible against your skin._

_I gave it to him one month before he asked you, he said that he wanted to surprise you. Hence, we don’t want Harry Styles to do something extravagant to make a fool out of himself on his engagement day. So that’s why I showed him the necklace, it kinda blew your mind, didn’t it? And he managed not to do something stupid, didn’t he?_

_Maybe it’s time for you to admit that I’m always right. I know you knew that._

_I can read you like a book, Lou, just like you do to me._

_I knew you first._

_Love, Z._

_~_

_Dear Louis,_

_Today the invitation just came, it was beautiful, Lou. I knew how much you love  pastel green, but, doves? Really? Doves? Is this how pathetically sappy, you’ve become? I thought you were better._

_I’m sorry that I haven’t answer any of your messages or calls, but ever since this whole letter thingy starts, I’ve been so withdrawn from all gadgets and stuffs, just wanna to take some space from the radiation, I guess._

_Maybe you can start to reply me via post? You know, just like the people from the 18 th century.How vintage that is, ha. _

_Perrie said that Harry’s asked Liam and Niall to his best men. I didn’t know that a groom could have more than one._

_Thank you for asking me to be yours, Lou. But you know that I can’t do that, I am so sorry, but I guess you just have to take Liam as yours. That way you and Harry can have one best man each._

_I hope you’re not going to cry, but if you do, by god I pray that he will hold you tight against his chest. I pray that he will wrap his right arm around your waist as his left strokes your feathery hair. You always calmed down every time I did that._

_Please don’t blame yourself, It was all my fault, perhaps I just never had the choice, but please know that I never regret what I felt, Louis._

_I hope you feel safe in his arms, I did teach Harry once. I just had to, I knew how much you love cuddles and hugs, Lou._

_I held you first._

_Love, Z._

_~_

_Dear, Louis._

_Remember the day that we drunk our asses off? When you woke up with your lips all swollen._

_You just watched Harry went home with Caroline, you were so devastated that my hugs barely comfort your sobs. We drank all Niall’s alcohol supplies for two months, can you believe that the bloke keeps alcohol as if they are medicines? Damn, Irish people._

_We were stumbling down into Niall’s guess room, we were so lucky that he was away in Mullingar that week, otherwise you wouldn’t  even gonna be alive to walk down the aisle._

_You’re the giggly and super whiny kind of drunk, didn’t you know that? You kept tugging your shirt up and complain how hot you were, while it was the first day of December. You were sprawled out on the bed, and my head were pounding._

_You looked so good and I couldn’t think about anything but LouisLouisLouis, your name was the only thing flying around in my head._

_I kissed you that night._

_It was more of a snog, actually. All saliva and tongues shit, and if we weren’t so damn pissed I’m pretty sure that your head wouldn’t be the only thing that hurt in the morning._

_I know that I’m being innappropiate right now. But I just want to say that I hope he will kiss you right._

_That he will lean down to you as he pulls you closer to him gently, that he will treasure every seconds of kissing you with love, not lust._

_‘Cause I knew how you liked to be kissed._

_I kissed you first._

_Love, Z._

_~_

_Dear Louis,_

_Are you nervous? I hope you’re not, people say that their wedding day is one of the best moments in their life._

_I hope it will be your best memory, because I am not going to be there to ruin it for you._

_I am so sorry for being a huge prat for not coming to you and Haz’s wedding, but you know why I can’t, Lou._

_It will kill me. It will kill my very beings watching you and him vowing your loves for each other, while I couldn’t do the same thing._

_I’m so sorry for not telling you until now, I’m so sorry for shutting you and everyone except my Dad down. But you knew why I do it, because if I don’t, I’d be dead now._

_I went to a Mosque today, in there, I did Shalat and I prayed. I prayed to my God that everything will works out for me, I prayed that I will learn how to let you go without having to feel my heart tearing to shreds. I prayed for me, for my family and for Perrie._

_And I prayed for you. I begged to God that He will keep you safe, I begged that He will give you the best life you could ever imagine with Harry. I prayed that God will always make Harry love you with every drops of his blood. I prayed, I begged, and I hoped that Harry will always be happy for loving you._

_I know how happy a person will be when you make them love you, Lou._

_Because I loved you first._

_I loved you first, I loved you first._

_I’ll love you forever._

_See you on the other side_

_-Zayn_

_~_

**Author's Note:**

> i lost my phone
> 
> now, if you feel sorry for me please follow my [tumblr](http://bluelacelouis.tumblr.com)


End file.
